Life Goes Fast

One of my high school friends died yesterday. Isn't it weird how death of anyone in your stratosphere, even people you're not extremely close to, shakes you up and makes you see the world differently? You never know quite how to react. There are, of course, the stages of grief and denial always comes first. How do you wrap your head around something like that? How do you reconcile with the idea that someone who was real and concrete has disappeared forever, that they will never grow or become, that they have ceased existing? And someday you will be gone forever and nothing will be left of you but memory. It's mortality slapping you in the face and it's hard. No matter how much violence is on tv, no matter how much we believe in the immortality of spirit, we are never quite prepared for it when it happens. Death makes things awkward, too. What do you say? A cliche, no matter how sincere, still rings hollow. You never how bad you should feel, how sad is too sad. Your sadness does nothing to help anything, but you can't just go on as if nothing happened. Also, I for one almost feel guilty mourning someone I didn't know well because I feel like the grief belongs to their family and best friends so much more. Maybe I'm just appreciating this person because they're gone and it's appropriate, because death makes someone famous and more precious. People don't speak ill of the dead because the dead become glorified and preserved, become somehow unreal as they are memorialized. But I mourn nonetheless, the loss of potential the most. What could have been? It's not fair. But death is never fair. Youth and goodness and innocence are harder to lose, especially without warning, but does anyone ever want or deserve to die? It's just as tragic when someone dies forgotten and their dying makes no difference. Regardless, all I know is that today I am sad because this person was kind and made me laugh, because I love the people who will miss him most and because I know it could just as easily happen to anyone. Maybe I should have gotten to know him better and maybe there's no real reason for me to be sad other than because of how senseless and shocking this is, but regardless, I will remember him today and hope that when I die I too will be missed.

Rest in peace Eric. You were loved and you'll be missed.